Abel and Cain

It's like the biblical story all over again, except that Abel (the offense) kills Cain, who made a better sacrifice to the baseball gods with his one-hitter than the braindead [insert ethnicity here] hitters hacking at slop nightly did.

Yet, sometimes I think it's Matt Cain who I really hate. Here I am, weaning myself off my baseball addiction with the help of a terrible Giants team, when Cain comes and reminds me why I love the game with his Cainly, one-hit magic. Then, he gets the loss. Situations like these prove how much of a microcosm of life baseball truly is—only life itself is as cruel.

Note to Dave Flemming: You jinxed Cain by referring to his no-hitter in the top of the 7th, after Duane Kuiper had carefully avoided doing that the previous inning. Don't jinx him again.